Sarah Joan

Babe, I don’t know how to say this in any other way besides I love you.

Your more than just my best friend. You are my person.

You are the one person I know I can always turn to. I just want you to remember that even if we don’t talk everyday, nothing changes.

You still are and will always be my best friend. No, you are my family :)

Mar 03. 0 Notes.

Let go.

I have so many reasons to want to let her go. So many.

I hate how I have grown to have this much feelings for you. I don’t even understand these feelings.

I used to be a rational person that doesn’t take the kind of risks I have been taking when it comes to you. Yet you don’t se it. Or you just simply don’t appreciate it.

You even said you take me for granted. How am I supposed to feel about that?

I don’t know how you can be completely different sometimes. You change to a whole new person. There are 2 sides to you. A side I fucking hate and a side that I have grown to love.

So now im in a dilemma. The side I hate is the one side that you have all the fucking time and the side of you that I love is so rare but when it comes I just don’t wanna let it go.

But it has come to a point where I need to think bout how I feel and not just you. You have had shit happen to you and I fucking wanna be that person that turns all this around for you. But that can only happen if you let me and right now you don’t seem to want to. Or maybe you just aren’t ready. Whatever the reason may be, I cant stick around hoping for you to love me back.

Its painful and its making me feel fucked up. I wish I could just have this conversation with you an tell you everything but you don’t do well with talking. Emotions are not your strong point.

I found her picture in your wallet. Yeah mine is there too but so is hers. What does that mean?

You still call her b. Even when im around. When your on the phone with her, well that goes without saying. Its a norm for the both of you.

I see it when you both talk and meet. You have feelings for her. As much as you wanna deny that you cant. its so blatant. Your just scared she would hurt you again. but you cant mask how you feel. And that sucks for me cause I giving “us” my all. (if there is even an us).

I feel insecure when im around you and her together.

I don’t know if you know or even care. I doubt you do care.

You take everything so lightly. You contemplate leaving me for someone else who you have feelings for. I don’t even know why you even need me around.

It feel like when I read back on all that I have said thus far that you are just using me.

But sometimes you make me feel like your sincere. You confuse me.

I think you would be just fine without me. You have so many people to fill that void (if there is any). Physically you’ll miss my company. But that is about it.

I need to move away from you. As much as its gonna hurt me. I know I need to.

You are not ready to move on. And im not gonna be that rebound.

Im just not your type. I will never be the person you want me to be.

This is my freaking karma.  

Dec 30. 0 Notes.

"

My older brother received a call at two pm on a Thursday,
That his roommate from college
And best friend from high school;
Overdosed and died,
Last Wednesday night.

My brother is 25 years old.
He missed three days of work, sat at home in the dark,
And cried for the first time in six months.
This is not poetry.

My father is very, very sick.
He sleeps for seven hours,
To build up a half hour of strength,
Just so he can pick me up from school.
He hasn’t been well in over a year.
And still,
He prays every night, “Thank you God, for making this happen to me, and not my children.”

I am swallowed in fear,
That soon enough, he will go to bed,
And never wake up.
This is not poetry.

There are thousands of people,
fighting cancer,
and war,
and death,
just to have one more day,
In hopes that it will get better.

And still,
You people glorify sadness,
and long for your death,
because apparently life,
is just too much of a burden.
Wake up, your ignorance is sickening.
Your life is thousands of times more beautiful,
Than your death will be.

"

� For My Father, S.Skavdahl (via sunflowury)

(via donotcockblock)

piercingsandink:

this is really fucking true, so glad to see something like this on my dash instead of the “happy” christmas gifs/pictures

(Source: always-a-pleasure, via stayhorny)

Change

I know I have changed. So much so even I don’t know who I am anymore. My self esteem has hit rock fucking bottom and I don’t know how to pick myself up. Everything is a mess. I don’t think I deserve this. But yet I’m subjecting myself to this.
I have let one too many people down. People who loved me. Cared for me and only wanted the best for me. What kinda person does that? Me.
Apologies aren’t gonna salvage the situation anymore. What’s lost I can never get back and that’s something I gotta accept. Even if I lost everything for something that isn’t worth it. I keep telling myself it’s worth it and I won’t let it backfire on me. But I can’t be so sure.
I’m watching myself fall down. I’m finding it so hard to keep afloat and I don’t even understand why.
Is this what growing up is supposed to be like? If it is, I wish I could just stay a kid. I’m making decisions and expecting them to turn out a certain way but all that seems to be happening is the opposite of my intentions. I don’t know what to do anymore. I wish there was a manual to follow through life. One that can tell you what your next move should be when you fuck up. I’m an adult yet I want to be told what’s the right course of action. This is ridiculous.
What am I even doing? I don’t feel appreciated. Yet I still stay. I don’t want to walk away cause… I don’t know why. Hot and cold sucks.
I want to feel loved. I wanna be pampered. I don’t wanna know bout your past relationships anymore. I wanna start our own. I can’t wait forever. It’s getting old. I’m getting tired. I love you. But you don’t.
Karma is a bitch.

Dec 26. 0 Notes.

(Source: imgfave, via donotcockblock)

fuckyeahlaughters:

cockchomp:
what the actual f if cats aren’t born on drugs then i don’t even know

fuckyeahlaughters:

cockchomp:

what the actual f if cats aren’t born on drugs then i don’t even know

(Source: annabellehector, via robot)

leilockheart:

After all, life goes on.

leilockheart:

After all, life goes on.

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